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Breakups are emotional roller coasters.

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Posted May 23, Reviewed by Matt Huston. Before I even begin to address this topic, I should tell you that there are more than 3. I've read multiple help guides, but sometimes, it seems like these so-called experts have no idea what mourning a relationship is like. You're not just dealing with grief about the demise or the romance, but you are also sometimes grappling with pretty awful feelings of self-pity, loathing and helplessness.

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So when, too soon after, a devastating phone call led to the end of us, I was positively heartbroken. And while the former relationship is one that I still treasure and the latter is one that I oft try to forget, they still have two major commonalities: They ruined me. And in the end, I survived. And let me guide you through the layers of Hell known as The Stages of Grief to help you better understand what you may and must experience before seeing the clear light of day again.

Stop looking at the ex's social media s

Everything was fine yesterday! Who knows? Because of low levels of serotonin which is a mood stabilizer in your brain during this stage, you might be prone to violent, impulsive behavior like stalking, jealous rages, or even physical attacks. He just ugly-cried at me while I planned out an escape route in my head. Uhh, scary. Usually, it looks a lot more like promising to change all of those things about you that you think are the reason why your ex left you in the first place.

This is all my fault. Sometimes blaming ourselves can feel better than accepting that the person we love — who we hold in impossibly high regards — could possibly be the wrong-doer. If we can convince ourselves that the break-up is our fault, that we have no one to blame but ourselves, then we can believe that we can fix it — either that we can make amends in this relationship or do better in the future.

Here's how long it takes to get over a breakup

Break-ups usually have little to do with you as a person and more to do with the relationship. How did you help and hinder the growth of the relationship?

How did they help and hinder it? What went wrong in the relationship to make it stop working?

What kind of awareness can you have going forward about your needs and boundaries? Turning botched relationships into learning experiences can not only alleviate the guilt you may feel, but can also help you in the future — a lot more than being down on yourself can. Chocolate peanut butter pretzel ice cream, check. Your worn copy of Love, Actuallycheck.

Sweatpants, tissues, and your phone on silent, check. And women?

Women are more likely sob, withdraw socially, and constantly retell their story. Sounds about right. And although research by Helen Fisher suggests that it can take months for the negative feelings associated with love rejection to heal, you will finally reach this — the best stage.

You might start looking at yourself as attractive and worthy of love and happiness again. Maybe you can even run into your ex without experiencing high-level anxiety!

Your body has reached homeostasis. Your brain chemicals have returned to normal.

When a relationship breaks

Think of it as your heart renewing itself. It has to get knocked down before it can be built back up. Life needs to fall apart before it can come back together. So, listen. Want to discuss this further?

to our online forum and start a post! Melissa A. Fabello, Editor of Everyday Feminism, is a domestic violence prevention and sexuality educator, eating disorder and body image activist, and media literacy vlogger based out of Philadelphia. She holds a B. She can be reached on Twitter fyeahmfabello. Read her articles here and book her for speaking engagements here.

Cry. wallow. repeat. now, change your life.

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